1
00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:07,473
If anybody wants me,
I'll be in the whirling hot tub.
2
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,274
We don't have
a whirling hot tub.
3
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,577
I know.
I'm going to improvise.
4
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,483
- Any mail for me?
- No, sorry.
5
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:20,586
- How about me?
- All of it.
6
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:27,292
But, ALF, I-I don't want you
joining any more record clubs.
7
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:28,794
Fine, fine.
8
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,162
Oh, hey, before I forget
9
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,631
I'll need you to write out
a couple of checks.
10
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,601
One to Greenpeace,
the other to the Auto Club.
11
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,171
You're a member
of the Auto Club?
12
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,974
I like the magazine.
13
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:43,742
I'm not writing
any more checks.
14
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,245
Well, fine,
my checks just came.
15
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:50,182
Oh, darn.
I ordered sunrise.
16
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,884
They sent me sunset.
17
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,356
- Go take your bath.
- Fine.
18
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,925
I wish these insurance companies
would leave me alone.
19
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:02,661
I'm already fully covered
through the Auto Club.
20
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,765
I just know he's gonna
get hair in the drain.
21
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,334
He was wearing a shower cap.
22
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,042
Why was he carrying my mixer
into the bathroom?
23
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:19,745
He said something
about a whirling hot tub.
24
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,947
(ALF)
'Whoa!'
25
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:24,817
- ALF!
- Oh, my gosh!
26
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,120
ALF? Are you alright?
27
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,957
ALF?
28
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,127
There must be some mistake.
29
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,697
I'm Wayne Schlegel,
Michigan Life And Casualty.
30
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,137
[theme music]
31
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,230
[music continues]
32
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,968
Wayne Schlegel?
33
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,770
Michigan Life And Casualty.
34
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,473
Heh, heh, heh.
35
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,807
Pleased to meet you.
36
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,376
What is he talking about?
37
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,278
I'm talking about your future.
38
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,780
I'm talking about
an insurance plan
39
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,816
that will fit your needs.
40
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,452
I-I think he's trying
to sell us insurance.
41
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:12,691
Maybe the bump on his head
did something to his memory.
42
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,826
Well, he seems okay otherwise.
43
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,795
He just thinks
he's Wayne Schlegel.
44
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,064
Michigan Life And Casualty.
45
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,802
Look, he must've been reading
this insurance stuff
46
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,170
in the bathroom.
47
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,839
Please take one
of our free calendars.
48
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,741
Thank you.
49
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,476
Oh, the metric tables.
50
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,514
- Listen, ALF.
- Wayne.
51
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:36,882
Wayne..
52
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,418
...I th-I think that
you should sit down.
53
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:42,821
Don't mind if I do.
What was your name again?
54
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,256
Kate.
55
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,191
And I'm Lynn..
56
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,559
...Tanner!
57
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,195
Right.
Kate and Lynn Tanner.
58
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:53,198
Don't tell me.
You two are sisters, right?
59
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,000
Heh, heh, heh.
60
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,703
ALF, I want you to stop this.
61
00:03:57,705 --> 00:04:00,339
You are not an insurance agent.
62
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:04,109
You're an alien
from the planet Melmac.
63
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,945
Whatever you say.
The customer's always right.
64
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,047
Now, if I can find
my actuarial table.
65
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:12,618
ALF, she's serious.
Don't you remember?
66
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,952
[electronic device beeping]
67
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:17,389
Willie?
Wha-what's that?
68
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:21,226
Oh, my gosh.
It can't be!
69
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,895
The lights.
What happened to the lights?
70
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,265
Daddy, daddy,
what's that thing in the sky?
71
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,700
- What's going on?
- It's closing in fast.
72
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,469
I think maybe we better..
73
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,504
[crash]
74
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:46,318
We...we have a visitor.
75
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,057
Well?
76
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:55,627
Well, offhand, I can think
of several policies
77
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,496
that cover roof damage.
78
00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:00,932
But, of course, since
this is a pre-existing condition
79
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:04,136
you couldn't claim it
under a new policy.
80
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,004
We're not getting
through to him.
81
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,673
What are we going to do?
82
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,508
I don't know. Just..
83
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,310
...don't sign anything.
84
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,513
We're back.
85
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,148
You must be Mr. Tanner.
86
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,784
Good guess, umm, ALF.
87
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,619
Wayne Schlegel.
88
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,688
Michigan Life And Casualty.
89
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,091
Huh? Wha..
What's going on here?
90
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:29,828
- ALF is...an insurance agent.
- You got a job?
91
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,931
No. Dad, ALF took a bad fall
on the hot tub.
92
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,266
And we think he lost his memory.
93
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:38,470
Oh, no.
But we don't have a hot tub.
94
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:42,341
Well, that's good, Willie,
because we don't cover hot tubs.
95
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,443
- It is Willie, isn't it?
- Yes.
96
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,211
We don't cover hot tubs.
97
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,781
We've been trying
to snap him out of it.
98
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,117
Maybe we should call Dr. Jeff.
99
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:55,787
No, no, Dr. Jeff doesn't handle
this kind of a thing.
100
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,256
- Who does?
- Dr. Demento.
101
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,726
- ALF..
- Wayne.
102
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,060
- Wayne.
- Willie.
103
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:05,731
ALF, you're not
an insurance agent.
104
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,866
It's not that we have anything
against insurance agents
105
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,302
but that-that's not
what you are.
106
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:11,903
You're an alien.
107
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,540
I can't believe it!
108
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,875
What do you think it is?
109
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,910
A real alien!
110
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,813
(Kate)
'Willie.'
111
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,249
'Willie, what is it?'
112
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,685
Brian's right.
It's an ALF.
113
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,687
- What?
- An ALF.
114
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:32,524
An A-L-F. That's short
for alien life form.
115
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,593
Can ALF stay in my room?
116
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:37,863
No! No, this thing is not
staying in anyone's..
117
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,197
It's not staying!
118
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:42,033
Why not? ET got to stay.
119
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,736
ET was a movie.
This is real.
120
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,105
This is on our coffee table.
121
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,877
Well, you people sure spin
some crazy yarns.
122
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,178
Heh, heh, heh.
123
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,947
Mind if I use your phone
to call the office?
124
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,883
Office?
125
00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:00,519
I seem to have forgotten
my number.
126
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:03,255
Well, it's right here
on your business card.
127
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,589
Oh, eh.
128
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,024
Willie, let him call.
129
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:10,095
Maybe he'll realize
he isn't Wayne Schlegel.
130
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,230
Hi, hon. Wayne.
131
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:16,535
Yeah, I'm at 5-5-5-4-0-4-4.
132
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,103
Any messages?
133
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,439
Wayne, why do you
sound so funny?
134
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,342
Is your wife with you?
135
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:25,911
No.
136
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,913
Good, then we can talk.
137
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,583
Where were you today? I waited
at the motel for over an hour.
138
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,785
Uh, I don't remember.
139
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,988
Yeah, well, listen, buster, if
you think I'm gonna wait around
140
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,623
for you forever,
you are out of your mind.
141
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:42,294
'Either you ask for a divorce
tonight, or we are through!'
142
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:46,331
Okay, okay! I'll ask her
for a divorce tonight.
143
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:52,270
Boy, you have a couple of
drinks, a few laughs..
144
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:54,639
...they think it's forever.
145
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,241
This has gone far enough.
146
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,009
You obviously
haven't met Brenda.
147
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,945
Neither have you.
148
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,514
Now, look,
you're not an insurance agent.
149
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,282
You don't know anything
about insurance.
150
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,985
A few months ago, you didn't
know anything about this planet.
151
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,120
[rattling]
152
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:13,625
It's the day before Christmas!
I've hidden all the eggs.
153
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:17,128
Alf, we hide eggs at Easter,
not at Christmas.
154
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,697
Oh, that's right.
155
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,600
Christmas is when
we carve the pumpkin.
156
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,302
Oh, well, there's plenty
to keep you occupied.
157
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,739
We've got, uh, magazines.
This is a jigsaw puzzle.
158
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,313
- It's broken!
- That's the object.
159
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,716
You're supposed to
put it together.
160
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,718
Why?
I didn't break it.
161
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,153
Uh, ALF, how-how would you
like to go outside
162
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,656
uh, throw around the ol'
Frisbee?
163
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,658
- The old what?
- The old Frisbee.
164
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,727
Yeah, here.
I'll-I'll show you how it goes.
165
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,398
I guess I'm not in the mood.
166
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,235
Alright, let me see if I've got
this reindeer thing straight.
167
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,738
There's, uh, there's Dasher..
168
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,172
...Dancer..
169
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,975
...Comet, Cupid..
170
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,777
...Matthew, Mark,
Luke and John.
171
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:11,082
No, it's Prancer, Dancer..
172
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,852
...Vixen, Blitzen..
173
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,555
Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
174
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:19,024
No, those are ducks.
175
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,259
Then how do they pull the sled?
176
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,829
Just keep your distance,
alright?
177
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,565
And try to be considerate.
178
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,700
No problem.
179
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,368
That is not considerate!
180
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,370
That is the opposite
of considerate!
181
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,773
That is inconsiderate!
182
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:40,545
So, now, isn't it obvious
you're not this Wayne Schlegel?
183
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,380
The only thing that's obvious
184
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:45,383
is that your minds
aren't on insurance.
185
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:49,287
Listen, nobody likes to think
about the inevitable
186
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:52,591
but you do have a responsibility
to your family.
187
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,894
- He's right, dad.
- We don't need insurance.
188
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:59,931
And I hope you never do.
Knock wood.
189
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,566
But I'll leave some brochures.
190
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,969
You can call me
when you're ready to talk.
191
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,071
By the way, Willie,
are you parked behind me?
192
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,873
- I don't think so.
- Good.
193
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,710
Where did I put my coat?
194
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,346
In fact,
where did I put my pants?
195
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:18,249
Oh, my God! I'm naked!
196
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,618
Well, not to us, you aren't.
197
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:22,787
Okay, so you're free thinkers,
but I'm not!
198
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:26,424
I want my keys, I want my pants,
and I wanna leave.
199
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:29,594
- Don't let him go!
- Oh!
200
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,764
- Out of my way, all of you!
- No!
201
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,766
Oh, no.
202
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,601
First, you strip me.
203
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,903
Now, you're holding me prisoner.
204
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:41,940
I've heard about this happening
to other insurance agents
205
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,209
but I never thought
it would happen to me.
206
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,846
[instrumental music]
207
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:52,951
You can't keep me here!
208
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,520
This is for your own good,
Wayne. I mean ALF!
209
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,422
You're in big trouble, mister.
210
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,090
You're going to go
to jail for this.
211
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,458
You may never get out!
212
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:04,262
And if you do,
just try getting insurance!
213
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:07,532
Please, please, ALF.
Just, just try to calm down.
214
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,834
And maybe, maybe things
will start coming back to you.
215
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:13,605
I don't want to calm down.
I'm a high-energy salesman.
216
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,840
How do you think I made
the Million Dollar Club?
217
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,642
Look around you, ALF
218
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,878
doesn't any of this
seem familiar to you?
219
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,481
Is that what this is all about?
220
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,717
Did I have an affair
with your wife too?
221
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,554
[alarm ringing]
222
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,692
- Morning.
- Morning.
223
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,127
Hey, I'm sorry.
224
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,730
One thing just led to another,
Willie.
225
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,131
No, no, no.
226
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,566
I think we can be
reasonably sure
227
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,168
that that did not happen.
228
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,970
In fact, at first,
the two of you
229
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,173
didn't even really..
230
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,742
She detested you.
231
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,877
[both screaming]
232
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,580
- Willie!
- Willie!
233
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,152
- What's going on over there?
- Nothin'.
234
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,655
Just screaming.
235
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,890
- Move out of the way.
- No problem.
236
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,529
Let me put it this way, Willie.
237
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,498
I don't think
this is going to work out.
238
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:17,102
I'll take care of it.
Everything's fine.
239
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,937
Everything's under control.
240
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,775
[toilet flushing]
241
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,846
Interesting concept.
242
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,615
So we straightened that out.
243
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,884
I didn't have an affair
with your wife.
244
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:36,054
Now, if you'll just
give me my pants.
245
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,622
I can't let you leave.
246
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,892
Look, if the plan
is to hold me for ransom
247
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,527
you could forget about it.
248
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:46,798
My company has a policy of not
negotiating with terrorists.
249
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,467
We do, however,
have some other policies
250
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,369
you might be interested in,
Willie.
251
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,439
In fact, I could set you up
with a whole life..
252
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,241
- How old are you?
- I'm 45.
253
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:59,577
Hmm, 45.
We better act fast.
254
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,480
I could set you up
with a whole life policy
255
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,550
that will benefit you and
your family for years to come.
256
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,752
Just think about this, Willie.
257
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,720
[humming]
258
00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:11,222
Oh, eh, hello, Dr. Schnegmeier.
259
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,925
Uh, yeah.
Uh, listen, uh, doctor..
260
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,428
...it seems that a, a houseguest
of ours has, uh..
261
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,430
...come down with amnesia.
262
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,065
No. We can't bring him in.
263
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,567
Uh, listen, isn't there
some kind of, you know
264
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,435
home remedy we can try?
265
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,906
Breathing into a paper bag
or.. What?
266
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,440
What does he say to do?
267
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,342
Hit him on the head
with a rolling pin.
268
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,580
No, I don't think that's funny.
269
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:38,449
No, I don't watch
"The Three Stooges."
270
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,018
You're right, I should.
271
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,321
Uh, listen, doctor, I-I think
we'll try the hospital.
272
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,990
Yes, I-I'm sure
he has insurance.
273
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,592
Bye-bye.
274
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,761
Should I get the rolling pin?
275
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:53,965
No. We can't hit him on the head
with a rolling pin.
276
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,533
At least we shouldn't.
277
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,969
We certainly can't take him
to the hospital.
278
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,271
So we're stuck having
an insurance agent
279
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,639
living in our laundry room.
280
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,608
Why does ALF keep doing
things like this?
281
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,310
Oh, mom, it's not like
this is his fault.
282
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:06,811
He's like a three-year-old.
283
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:09,647
You have to keep your eye
on him constantly.
284
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,550
["Old Time Rock 'N' Roll"
on tape player]
285
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:18,556
¶ Just take those old records
off the shelf ¶
286
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:22,627
¶ I'll sit and listen
to 'em by myself ¶
287
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:26,030
¶ Today's music
ain't got the same soul ¶
288
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:29,968
¶ I like that old time
rock 'n' roll ¶
289
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:33,838
¶ Don't try to take me
to a disco ¶
290
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,842
¶ You'll never even get me
out on the floor ¶
291
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:41,679
¶ In 10 minutes
I'll be late for the door ¶
292
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:45,750
¶ I like that old time
rock 'n' roll ¶
293
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:49,087
¶ Still like that old time
rock 'n' roll ¶
294
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,991
¶ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ¶
295
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:57,595
¶ I reminisce
about the days of old ¶
296
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,665
¶ With that old time
rock 'n' roll ¶¶
297
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,736
[music stops]
298
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,843
Maybe we should
have called first.
299
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,544
Well, I had the music
pretty loud
300
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,747
I probably wouldn't have
heard the phone.
301
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,350
[gasping]
302
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,552
So how was the shower?
303
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,555
- Look at this!
- What in the world?
304
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,758
ALF, what are you
doing in my dress?
305
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,794
Sorry, I thought it was Lynn's.
306
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,897
You've really done it this time.
307
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:37,235
Any semblance of faith or
trust I had in you is gone.
308
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,037
Willie, my jewelry box
is missing!
309
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,242
So are my good gold cuff links..
310
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,244
...and my good watch!
311
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,313
And my antique cameo!
312
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,048
Where are they?
313
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,449
Probably being pawned.
314
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,817
The police are here.
315
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,720
What'd you do, ALF?
316
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:58,423
Sure, blame the guy
in the dress.
317
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:01,392
Now, don't make a sound.
Stay right here.
318
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,161
And take off that dress!
319
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,431
Alright, but I feel it
only fair to warn you
320
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,733
I'm not wearing
anything underneath.
321
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,338
Willie, my man,
I gotta tell you
322
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,174
this thing flies like the wind.
323
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,443
Where are you?
Where, what happened?
324
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,978
I don't know.
325
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,113
All I did was turn
the engine on
326
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:25,116
before I knew it,
I was on the freeway.
327
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,751
What freeway?
328
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,786
(ALF)
'The one headed for Oxnard.'
329
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,154
[vehicle honking]
330
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,656
Nice move, buddy!
331
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,324
Yeah? You're another one!
332
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,193
ALF, ALF, pull off the road.
333
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,527
Pull the car off the road.
334
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,263
I can't.
I'm in the fast lane.
335
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:40,498
Although you'd never know it
336
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,800
by the way these clowns
are driving.
337
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,803
Come on, lady!
This ain't a parade!
338
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:49,474
ALF, don't yell at other
drivers. They'll see you.
339
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,310
No way.
I'm driving too fast.
340
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,812
Hey! Ever hear of a turn signal?
341
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,982
Just look, ALF, listen to me.
Look at the road signs.
342
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:01,119
Try to find out,
locate exactly where you are.
343
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,555
Well, eh,
I just passed the Motel 6.
344
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,192
Hey, they're having
a beekeepers convention.
345
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,227
[buzzing]
346
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,695
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
347
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,196
Ow! Gotta go!
348
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,399
Could you hold this wire
while I turn on the juice?
349
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,666
- Sure.
- Right there.
350
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:19,203
You know,
that's my shortwave radio!
351
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:24,242
Do you know how long I..
352
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,146
L-o-o-ng.
353
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:32,216
It took me ten years
to put that thing together.
354
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,920
I'm glad to see
you haven't wasted your life.
355
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,822
First, the phone.
And now, the radio.
356
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,191
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what about the phone?
357
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,026
You're on it all the time.
358
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:45,029
Fine! First,
I can't use the radio.
359
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:48,199
Now I can't use the phone.
What next?
360
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:51,402
The curling iron?
Your toothbrush?
361
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:56,207
- You use my toothbrush?
- Yours is the green one, right?
362
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,742
It was.
363
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,212
- William Tanner?
- Yes.
364
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,414
I've got a delivery here for you
from the Terry Faith Company.
365
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,617
Hold it, wait just a minute.
I'm not signing anything!
366
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:07,919
No signature is necessary.
367
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:11,022
This was all paid for
over the phone.
368
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:13,691
I'll be back with the rest
when I get a bigger truck.
369
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,359
Keep the faith.
370
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,564
Four thousand dollars.
371
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:22,767
Yep, that matches my total.
372
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:26,537
ALF, how were you able to
purchase $4000 worth of makeup?
373
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,240
Plastic!
I put it on your Visa.
374
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,776
Oh, incidentally,
you're over your limit.
375
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,316
[groaning]
376
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,930
Whoa!
377
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:54,599
Grease fire! Grease fire!
378
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:55,800
(Kate)
'ALF!'
379
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,436
(Willie)
'Oh, no! Oh, no!'
380
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:01,038
(ALF)
'Never mind the curtains,
put me out!'
381
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,675
Well, we did get new curtains.
382
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,111
The other curtains
were new curtains.
383
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:09,747
Maybe we can get Wayne
to give us ALF insurance.
384
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:16,154
Before we moved offices,
we must have only had maybe 12
385
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,089
1500 square feet.
386
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:21,592
'We were literally packed
in there like sardines.'
387
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,028
Huh! Well, that place
was so small
388
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:27,598
I had to go into Sadowsky's
office to change my mind.
389
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,433
Heh, heh, heh.
390
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,303
Where are you going with that?
391
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,405
I thought Mr. Schlegel
might want a snack.
392
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,110
Heh, heh, heh.
393
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:41,179
Of course,
in our new place..
394
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:44,649
Oh, by the way,
did I give you a business card?
395
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:49,053
'In the new place, the traffic
flow is much better.'
396
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:52,290
And we've got a men
and a women's restroom.
397
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,159
Yeah. Well, the underwriters
are pretty happy about that.
398
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,663
Boy, they sure are.
I've never seen them so..
399
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,331
Are you listening, Willie?
400
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,733
[knocking on door]
401
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,369
You know, I liked you better
as an alien.
402
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,873
You were annoying,
but you were never boring.
403
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,078
Oh, hi, Brian.
404
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,381
I brought you a snack,
Mr. Schlegel.
405
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,917
At least somebody
has compassion!
406
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,988
What is this junk?
407
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,691
Your favorite food.
Donuts and brownies.
408
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,359
What are you trying to do,
kill me?
409
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:32,163
I'll have you know I've got
a very delicate stomach.
410
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,233
[burp]
411
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,735
Nice meal, Kate.
412
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,871
Even though the portions
were extremely small.
413
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:43,274
I'm sorry
we had only one pot roast.
414
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,710
Well, you two get these holidays
straightened out
415
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,378
I think I'll just go
make breakfast.
416
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,948
Not necessary,
I already made breakfast.
417
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,117
Sloppy Joes and fiberglass.
418
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,287
There's hair
in this tuna fish.
419
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,491
I like it.
420
00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:06,797
He must be hungry.
He didn't even say grace.
421
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,000
Grace.
422
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,241
Is something wrong?
423
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:19,744
(female
'Some people won't eat red meat,
some won't eat sugar.'
424
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:23,147
Some won't eat fried foods
or dairy products.
425
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:27,285
You didn't eat
all the cat food too, did you?
426
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:30,821
No way! I draw the line
at intestinal by-products.
427
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:33,591
Take this food away, son.
428
00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:35,493
I'm not eating
until you let me go.
429
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:44,502
[sighs]
What am I going to do?
430
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:46,904
I know.
431
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,105
What if I..
432
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,141
What if I show you a mirror?
433
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:55,279
Alright, maybe I need a shave.
434
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:58,182
Is this the face
of an insurance agent?
435
00:21:58,584 --> 00:21:59,684
Yeah.
436
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,452
Alright, I'm no Burt Sadowsky
437
00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:05,623
but then Burt Sadowsky's
not in the Million Dollar Club.
438
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:08,125
This isn't..
You're not an insurance agent.
439
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:10,361
You're an alien.
Can't you see that?
440
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,964
Listen, Willie,
what do you want from me?
441
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:15,800
You obviously
don't want a policy.
442
00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:18,436
I want you to get
your memory back.
443
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:19,670
Is that it?
444
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:23,541
Okay. Hey, hey,
it's coming back to me now.
445
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:27,511
It's like a veil being lifted.
I'm-I'm an alien.
446
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:31,182
Yeah, that's what I am. And I'm
from the planet, uh, Milsap.
447
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:34,952
- Melmac.
- Fine. Can I have my pants now?
448
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:36,153
You're not going to leave here!
449
00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:38,356
Hey! We had a deal, Willie.
450
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:41,492
I'm sorry. You're just going
to have to trust me.
451
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:44,328
It's far too dangerous
for you out there.
452
00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:46,564
Mrs. Tanner, we've received
an anonymous tip
453
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:49,900
that you might be harboring
a space creature.
454
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:52,136
- Space creature?
- Yes.
455
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,840
Hairy. About three feet tall.
456
00:22:55,842 --> 00:22:59,176
Is, um,
is he considered dangerous?
457
00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:01,512
Hard to tell
until we get it to the lab.
458
00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:05,015
And, uh, what would you do
if-if you did get him?
459
00:23:05,017 --> 00:23:06,150
You know, in the lab?
460
00:23:06,152 --> 00:23:08,252
The usual battery of tests.
461
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:12,823
We'll see how it responds
to intense heat, freezing cold.
462
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:15,860
High voltage,
toxic substances
463
00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,929
pain, sleep depravation
464
00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:22,099
inoculation, that's needles.
465
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:23,567
And of course, dissection.
466
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:25,536
[gulping]
467
00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:27,071
Why don't you just..
468
00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:28,739
...pull its toe nails out?
469
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:30,608
You didn't let me finish.
470
00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:37,281
I know what that is,
it's an anteater.
471
00:23:38,451 --> 00:23:40,184
Are you sure?
472
00:23:40,186 --> 00:23:42,653
Yeah, and it's against the law
to shoot anteaters.
473
00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:49,727
What are you talkin' about?
You can shoot anteaters.
474
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:51,195
[spits]
475
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:53,397
'I don't care what he is.'
476
00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:55,800
I'm gonna take him out
and butcher him.
477
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,568
[gasps]
478
00:23:57,570 --> 00:23:59,804
Why do you always
get to do all the butchering?
479
00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:04,642
Because you usually end up
mutilating all the good meat.
480
00:24:04,644 --> 00:24:08,479
I'll get the chainsaw,
you make the salad.
481
00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:11,382
[grunts]
482
00:24:16,422 --> 00:24:18,422
Trevor, is there
such a thing as a cross
483
00:24:18,424 --> 00:24:20,658
between a kangaroo
and an aardvark?
484
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:23,227
(Trevor)
'Aw, stop
putting yourself down.'
485
00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:24,929
I'm not talking about me.
486
00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:26,330
I'm talking about that thing
487
00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:28,766
'staring at me
from that bathroom window.'
488
00:24:28,768 --> 00:24:30,167
(Trevor)
'What?'
489
00:24:32,772 --> 00:24:33,904
I don't see nothin'.
490
00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:35,739
Well, it was there a second ago.
491
00:24:35,741 --> 00:24:37,475
And I think it was shaving.
492
00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:40,010
Yeah, right.
And I'm Sean Penn.
493
00:24:43,683 --> 00:24:45,816
[gasps]
494
00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:48,285
Alright, let's see
if I'm following this, Willie.
495
00:24:48,287 --> 00:24:51,522
There are people out there
who want to hurt me.
496
00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:54,658
So-so you're protecting me
by locking me
497
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:57,928
naked in your bedroom
and feeding me sugar.
498
00:24:57,930 --> 00:24:59,763
Something like that.
499
00:25:02,134 --> 00:25:04,034
I'm gonna go find Kate
and see if she's found anyone
500
00:25:04,036 --> 00:25:05,469
to help you.
501
00:25:05,471 --> 00:25:07,538
Yeah, see if she can find
any help for you!
502
00:25:10,309 --> 00:25:12,376
It's obvious
I'm not gonna make this sale.
503
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,447
I'm not getting anywhere
with him.
504
00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:18,349
D-did the doctor give you
any advice?
505
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,451
Yeah, but it didn't help.
506
00:25:20,453 --> 00:25:22,620
Mrs. Ochmonek
has my rolling pin.
507
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:25,956
Dad, isn't there some sort
of a psychiatric hotline
508
00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:26,991
we could call?
509
00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:29,293
Yes. 5-5-5-8-5-3-3.
510
00:25:30,663 --> 00:25:33,063
I-I memorized that number
when ALF moved in.
511
00:25:33,065 --> 00:25:34,999
Oh, sorry, ALF.
512
00:25:35,001 --> 00:25:37,368
ALF, what are you doing
on the phone?
513
00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:40,037
Ha! your goose
is cooked now, bucko!
514
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,739
I've called the police!
515
00:25:41,741 --> 00:25:43,374
[laughing]
516
00:25:45,745 --> 00:25:47,578
He's called the police.
517
00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:55,519
I can't believe
you called the police.
518
00:25:55,521 --> 00:25:59,557
Believe it, pal.
What goes around comes around.
519
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:01,825
What are we gonna do
when the police come here?
520
00:26:01,827 --> 00:26:04,428
Well, why don't you tell them
that they're aliens
521
00:26:04,430 --> 00:26:06,363
and then take their clothes?
522
00:26:06,365 --> 00:26:09,700
Look, who took whose clothes!
523
00:26:09,702 --> 00:26:12,436
You don't know
the mistake you just made!
524
00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:15,339
Yeah? Well, you're the one
who's making a mistake.
525
00:26:15,341 --> 00:26:16,707
Tangling with a man from..
526
00:26:16,709 --> 00:26:19,577
(all)
Michigan Life And Casualty.
527
00:26:21,380 --> 00:26:23,781
Now the cops are gonna
lock you up.
528
00:26:23,783 --> 00:26:27,351
And you'll get a taste of what
it's like to be a prisoner.
529
00:26:27,353 --> 00:26:30,521
I already know what that's like.
Thanks to you!
530
00:26:30,523 --> 00:26:33,090
I can't believe ALF
actually used your shortwave
531
00:26:33,092 --> 00:26:34,525
to call the president.
532
00:26:34,527 --> 00:26:35,759
Shh!
533
00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:40,464
I don't know what happened.
534
00:26:40,466 --> 00:26:42,066
All I know is somebody
used my radio.
535
00:26:42,068 --> 00:26:45,402
And now I'm a criminal,
and they're going to hang me.
536
00:26:45,404 --> 00:26:48,939
Willie, I don't think
they hang people anymore.
537
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:51,075
But they think I'm a threat
to national security.
538
00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:52,076
A terrorist.
539
00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:53,978
Kate..
540
00:26:53,980 --> 00:26:56,113
...I'm not a terrorist.
541
00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:58,248
Honey, I know that.
542
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:00,417
I'm not going to prison.
543
00:27:00,419 --> 00:27:01,752
I saw "Midnight Express."
544
00:27:01,754 --> 00:27:02,987
You remember?
545
00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:04,321
They made him eat bugs.
546
00:27:04,323 --> 00:27:05,623
Th-that was "Papillon."
547
00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:08,225
In "Midnight Express,"
they broke his feet.
548
00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:10,260
I stand corrected.
549
00:27:10,262 --> 00:27:11,895
How about "Stir Crazy?"
550
00:27:11,897 --> 00:27:12,930
That wasn't so bad.
551
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:15,165
That was a comedy.
552
00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:17,067
Willie, stop.
553
00:27:17,069 --> 00:27:18,469
It's obvious
you have to tell the truth.
554
00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:19,937
Of-of course the truth.
555
00:27:19,939 --> 00:27:21,639
I'll just,
I'll explain it to them.
556
00:27:21,641 --> 00:27:23,941
An alien took control
of my radio.
557
00:27:23,943 --> 00:27:25,843
"Uh, why would he do that?"
they'll ask.
558
00:27:25,845 --> 00:27:28,479
And I'll say, "Because I
wouldn't let him use the phone."
559
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:32,950
So you were an ex-con?
560
00:27:32,952 --> 00:27:35,953
Then you're familiar
with your Miranda rights.
561
00:27:35,955 --> 00:27:39,690
Look, I'm not the one
who's going to jail here, buddy!
562
00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:44,428
You're not my buddy.
You're not my buddy!
563
00:27:44,430 --> 00:27:47,898
But you could have been
if you hadn't taken my pants.
564
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,201
[phone ringing]
565
00:27:53,139 --> 00:27:54,738
Hello?
566
00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:59,209
It's for Wayne Schlegel.
567
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,217
Hello?
568
00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:09,520
Wayne?
569
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:13,624
Wayne...I'm sorry
I lost my temper.
570
00:28:13,626 --> 00:28:15,225
But you see
Tubby had just come in
571
00:28:15,227 --> 00:28:18,495
and dumped a whole stack of
workmen comp files on my desk.
572
00:28:18,497 --> 00:28:22,366
And then he had the nerve
to ask me to alphabetize them.
573
00:28:22,368 --> 00:28:25,669
Oh, I guess I just took it
all out on you.
574
00:28:25,671 --> 00:28:26,670
Look, honey..
575
00:28:26,672 --> 00:28:30,808
I pressured you, Wayne,
and I'm sorry.
576
00:28:30,810 --> 00:28:33,510
I know that wasn't part
of our arrangement.
577
00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:34,912
Look..
578
00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:36,980
...if I have to share you..
579
00:28:36,982 --> 00:28:38,682
...so be it.
580
00:28:38,684 --> 00:28:42,152
There's enough
of Wayne Schlegel to go around.
581
00:28:42,154 --> 00:28:44,221
So let's just pretend
the whole thing never happened
582
00:28:44,223 --> 00:28:46,890
and I'll meet you in our usual
place in half an hour, okay?
583
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:51,361
I'd love to, but I can't.
I'm being held hostage here.
584
00:28:51,363 --> 00:28:53,097
Oh, sure,
just like the last time
585
00:28:53,099 --> 00:28:56,667
when you had to go to Sweden
to accept the Nobel Prize.
586
00:28:56,669 --> 00:28:58,702
We are through, Mr. Schlegel!
587
00:28:58,704 --> 00:29:01,505
In fact, right after I finish
alphabetizing these files
588
00:29:01,507 --> 00:29:02,773
I'm going over to your house
589
00:29:02,775 --> 00:29:04,875
and telling
your wife everything.
590
00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:06,844
Goodbye, Wayne Schlegel!
591
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:10,614
No! Hello? Hello?
592
00:29:13,185 --> 00:29:14,451
[glass shattering]
593
00:29:17,957 --> 00:29:21,391
Oh! I've just lost
a perfectly good marriage
594
00:29:21,393 --> 00:29:22,559
thanks to you.
595
00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:24,728
Not to mention a fantastic..
596
00:29:24,730 --> 00:29:26,029
Hey, hey!
597
00:29:26,031 --> 00:29:28,065
...secretary!
598
00:29:28,067 --> 00:29:29,633
What are we gonna do?
599
00:29:29,635 --> 00:29:31,568
Let's look at our options.
600
00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:33,137
We have no options!
601
00:29:33,139 --> 00:29:35,739
The police are gonna come here
and search our house
602
00:29:35,741 --> 00:29:40,043
for a kidnapped insurance agent
named Wayne Schlegel.
603
00:29:40,045 --> 00:29:42,246
Michigan Life And Casualty.
604
00:29:42,248 --> 00:29:44,715
I thought we didn't have
a Wayne Schlegel.
605
00:29:44,717 --> 00:29:46,250
We don't have a Wayne Schlegel.
606
00:29:46,252 --> 00:29:49,253
Instead we have an alien
from outer space.
607
00:29:49,255 --> 00:29:51,155
They'll just have
to be content with that.
608
00:29:51,157 --> 00:29:53,323
So we're just gonna give up?
Is that what you're saying?
609
00:29:53,325 --> 00:29:55,259
Well, it looks like
we may have no other choice.
610
00:29:55,261 --> 00:29:57,494
That's very sensible of you.
611
00:29:57,496 --> 00:29:59,296
I'll talk to the judge
612
00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:02,399
and tell him
I was treated very well, Willie.
613
00:30:02,401 --> 00:30:04,268
Well, I'm not gonna give up.
614
00:30:04,270 --> 00:30:05,569
- Look, ALF.
- Wayne.
615
00:30:05,571 --> 00:30:08,438
No, you're ALF,
and I'm Lynn.
616
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,440
We're friends.
617
00:30:10,442 --> 00:30:14,244
Don't try to strike
an independent deal.
618
00:30:14,246 --> 00:30:16,013
Don't you remember
how close we were?
619
00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:19,950
Oh, ALF.
620
00:30:19,952 --> 00:30:22,019
What are we gonna do with you?
621
00:30:22,021 --> 00:30:23,520
I guess you'll just
have to love me
622
00:30:23,522 --> 00:30:25,689
for as long as it lasts.
623
00:30:26,792 --> 00:30:28,025
We will.
624
00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:35,299
¶ Big wheel keep on turnin' ¶
625
00:30:35,301 --> 00:30:37,467
¶ Proud Mary keep on burnin' ¶
626
00:30:37,469 --> 00:30:38,769
¶ Two three four ¶
627
00:30:38,771 --> 00:30:40,337
¶ Rollin' ¶
¶ Rollin' ¶
628
00:30:40,339 --> 00:30:41,872
¶ Rollin' ¶
¶ Rollin' ¶
629
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:43,874
¶ Rollin' on the river ¶
¶ Rollin' on the river ¶
630
00:30:43,876 --> 00:30:45,442
¶ Rollin' ¶
¶ Rollin' ¶
631
00:30:45,444 --> 00:30:47,044
¶ Rollin' ¶
¶ Rollin' ¶
632
00:30:47,046 --> 00:30:48,979
¶ Rollin' on the.. ¶
¶ Rollin' on the.. ¶¶
633
00:30:48,981 --> 00:30:50,347
Wait a second.
634
00:30:50,349 --> 00:30:52,149
That's rock 'n' roll.
635
00:30:52,151 --> 00:30:53,951
I don't listen to that garbage.
636
00:30:53,953 --> 00:30:56,653
It's nothing but a bunch
of satanic messages.
637
00:30:56,655 --> 00:30:59,656
No, that's not true.
And you love rock 'n' roll.
638
00:30:59,658 --> 00:31:01,725
You even wrote me a rock song!
639
00:31:01,727 --> 00:31:03,927
I'll play the video for you.
640
00:31:05,664 --> 00:31:08,065
I'm against rock videos!
641
00:31:08,067 --> 00:31:11,568
They contribute to the
delinquency and destruction
642
00:31:11,570 --> 00:31:13,237
of the family unit.
643
00:31:13,239 --> 00:31:15,038
Well, this video
hasn't done that.
644
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,007
Not yet, anyway.
645
00:31:17,009 --> 00:31:20,110
[instrumental music]
646
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:25,415
[rock music]
647
00:31:36,762 --> 00:31:38,495
¶ Take a look at me ¶
648
00:31:38,497 --> 00:31:40,564
¶ And tell me what you see ¶
649
00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:42,766
¶ Just another pretty face ¶
650
00:31:43,836 --> 00:31:45,769
¶ Someone from out of town ¶
651
00:31:45,771 --> 00:31:47,771
¶ Who came to hang around ¶
652
00:31:47,773 --> 00:31:51,408
¶ And looked
a little out of place ¶
653
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:55,712
¶ You say you wonder what
on earth I'm doin' here ¶
654
00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:59,516
¶ I'm only here
to tell you girl ¶
655
00:31:59,518 --> 00:32:03,053
¶ I may be an unknown
from the twilight zone ¶
656
00:32:03,055 --> 00:32:06,123
¶ But you're the one
who's out of this world ¶
657
00:32:08,761 --> 00:32:11,194
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶
658
00:32:11,196 --> 00:32:12,696
¶ Sweet baby ¶
659
00:32:12,698 --> 00:32:16,066
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶
660
00:32:16,068 --> 00:32:19,803
¶ I'm spinnin' in an orbit
I ain't never been in ¶
661
00:32:19,805 --> 00:32:22,639
¶ 'Cause you're the one
who's out of this world ¶
662
00:33:36,982 --> 00:33:39,449
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶
663
00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:40,884
¶ Sweet baby ¶
664
00:33:40,886 --> 00:33:44,321
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶
665
00:33:44,323 --> 00:33:48,325
¶ I'm spinnin' in an orbit
I ain't never been in ¶
666
00:33:48,327 --> 00:33:51,028
¶ 'Cause you're the one
who's out of this world ¶
667
00:33:53,799 --> 00:33:56,333
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶
668
00:33:56,335 --> 00:33:57,868
¶ Sweet baby ¶
669
00:33:57,870 --> 00:34:01,204
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶
670
00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:05,008
¶ I'm spinnin' in an orbit
I ain't never been in ¶
671
00:34:05,010 --> 00:34:07,144
¶ 'Cause you're the one
who's out of this ¶
672
00:34:07,146 --> 00:34:08,879
¶ You're the one
who's out of this ¶
673
00:34:08,881 --> 00:34:12,082
¶ You're the one
who's out of this world ¶¶
674
00:34:33,872 --> 00:34:37,541
Well, I admit some of those guys
do look like me, but--
675
00:34:37,543 --> 00:34:39,409
They don't just look like you,
they are you!
676
00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:41,445
I-I mean that is you!
677
00:34:41,447 --> 00:34:43,013
Yeah, right.
678
00:34:43,015 --> 00:34:44,781
Anything else you wanna tell me
679
00:34:44,783 --> 00:34:48,218
before they haul you
off to jail?
680
00:34:48,220 --> 00:34:52,856
ALF, you made me that video
because you cared about me.
681
00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,425
You thought you loved me.
682
00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:57,894
Loved you? I'm married.
683
00:34:57,896 --> 00:35:00,964
I just can't think
of my wife's name right now.
684
00:35:02,234 --> 00:35:05,702
ALF, you are not married.
You live with us.
685
00:35:05,704 --> 00:35:09,039
You are a part of our family.
686
00:35:09,041 --> 00:35:12,042
We are not harboring
any space creatures!
687
00:35:12,044 --> 00:35:14,010
Fine, thank you.
Have a nice day.
688
00:35:19,051 --> 00:35:20,584
Thanks, mom.
689
00:35:20,586 --> 00:35:21,751
Thanks, mom.
690
00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:24,121
Yeah, thanks..
691
00:35:24,123 --> 00:35:26,423
...mom.
692
00:35:26,425 --> 00:35:28,391
I love this woman.
693
00:35:30,095 --> 00:35:32,395
- Thank you, dear.
- Oh, happy birthday, darling.
694
00:35:32,397 --> 00:35:33,597
Happy birthday, daddy.
695
00:35:33,599 --> 00:35:35,398
Oh, thank you, son.
696
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,335
- Many more, dad.
- Thanks. Thanks, sweetheart.
697
00:35:38,337 --> 00:35:39,970
Thank you, ALF.
698
00:35:39,972 --> 00:35:41,071
Thank..
699
00:35:42,941 --> 00:35:44,007
Oh!
700
00:35:45,410 --> 00:35:47,177
Whoa! Not bad.
701
00:35:47,179 --> 00:35:49,246
Still waters run deep there,
William.
702
00:35:53,952 --> 00:35:56,119
So I'm part of the family, huh?
703
00:35:56,121 --> 00:35:58,755
Well, then tell me,
what side of the family
704
00:35:58,757 --> 00:36:01,691
does this nose come from? Ha!
705
00:36:01,693 --> 00:36:04,127
That's ALF's laugh!
706
00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:07,164
Whoa!
Where did that come from?
707
00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:09,799
See,
you're not a blood relative.
708
00:36:09,801 --> 00:36:12,135
You're-you're a part
of our family because..
709
00:36:12,137 --> 00:36:14,337
...because of the way
you've affected our lives.
710
00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:17,307
- Made them...more interesting.
- Unique.
711
00:36:17,309 --> 00:36:19,442
- Fun.
- Bizarre.
712
00:36:24,816 --> 00:36:26,149
Pan the room..
713
00:36:26,151 --> 00:36:27,284
...and ready..
714
00:36:27,286 --> 00:36:28,318
...action!
715
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,553
[keyboard music]
716
00:36:29,555 --> 00:36:30,620
¶ Saturday ¶
717
00:36:30,622 --> 00:36:31,655
¶ Saturday ¶
718
00:36:31,657 --> 00:36:32,822
¶ Saturday ¶
719
00:36:32,824 --> 00:36:34,824
¶ Saturday Saturday ¶
720
00:36:34,826 --> 00:36:35,859
¶ Saturday ¶
721
00:36:35,861 --> 00:36:37,360
More emotion!
722
00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:38,728
¶ Saturday ¶
723
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:40,497
¶ Saturday Saturday ¶¶
724
00:36:40,499 --> 00:36:44,935
Hey, back off there, Willie Bob.
Let me give it a shot.
725
00:36:46,505 --> 00:36:47,537
- 'ALF?'
- What?
726
00:36:47,539 --> 00:36:49,973
I'm going into a trance now.
727
00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:54,778
Ah-h-h-h-h-h.
728
00:36:57,015 --> 00:36:59,749
Mm-m-m.
729
00:36:59,751 --> 00:37:01,318
[gasping]
730
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,554
You don't have to
make rude noises.
731
00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:07,891
That's alright.
I don't mind.
732
00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:10,093
Hey, Willie, come here.
Listen to this.
733
00:37:10,095 --> 00:37:12,362
Let me know
when this gets irritating, okay?
734
00:37:12,364 --> 00:37:14,164
[screeching]
735
00:37:15,434 --> 00:37:16,866
Now! Now!
736
00:37:16,868 --> 00:37:19,936
It's irritating almost at once.
737
00:37:19,938 --> 00:37:21,938
Let me see
what Willie's got in his coat?
738
00:37:23,242 --> 00:37:25,275
Oh! Oh, my gosh,
it's somebody's hand!
739
00:37:25,277 --> 00:37:27,544
Shh! It's a glove.
740
00:37:27,546 --> 00:37:28,945
Oh!
741
00:37:28,947 --> 00:37:31,348
We appreciate all the trouble
you've gone to.
742
00:37:31,350 --> 00:37:35,118
I mean cutting roses
so they look like radishes.
743
00:37:36,021 --> 00:37:37,687
And making pate.
744
00:37:37,689 --> 00:37:39,022
And very good pate too.
745
00:37:39,024 --> 00:37:40,557
Wha-what-what's in it?
746
00:37:40,559 --> 00:37:41,891
Oh, let me guess.
747
00:37:41,893 --> 00:37:44,761
There's lobster,
there's sour cream
748
00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:47,430
but there's-there's
something else.
749
00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:49,766
Play-Doh.
750
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:52,469
- That's it.
- The fluorescent kind.
751
00:37:52,471 --> 00:37:54,871
I wanted it to be special.
752
00:37:54,873 --> 00:37:57,007
I'm just going to go
brush my teeth.
753
00:37:59,911 --> 00:38:03,046
Oh, gross! What is that?
754
00:38:03,048 --> 00:38:05,749
It's a slime ball.
755
00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:08,752
- ALF!
- I know what you're gonna say.
756
00:38:08,754 --> 00:38:10,887
I shouldn't bring treats
to the table
757
00:38:10,889 --> 00:38:13,056
unless I have enough
for everyone.
758
00:38:14,092 --> 00:38:15,759
Well, we're in luck.
759
00:38:15,761 --> 00:38:17,394
No, we're not.
760
00:38:17,396 --> 00:38:18,395
You sure?
761
00:38:18,397 --> 00:38:20,730
There's a surprise
in the center.
762
00:38:20,732 --> 00:38:22,666
ALF, where did you get those?
763
00:38:22,668 --> 00:38:23,933
Melmac.
764
00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:25,669
I usually buy wild cherry
765
00:38:25,671 --> 00:38:27,771
but all they had left was slug.
766
00:38:27,773 --> 00:38:28,838
(Lynn)
'Oh!'
767
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,074
[piano music]
768
00:38:33,245 --> 00:38:37,147
¶ I just checked
into the parasite hotel ¶
769
00:38:39,284 --> 00:38:43,019
¶ They ain't got a porter
or a bell ¶
770
00:38:44,623 --> 00:38:48,425
¶ I checked
into that parasite hotel ¶¶
771
00:38:48,427 --> 00:38:50,593
- ALF.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
772
00:38:50,595 --> 00:38:52,462
Was I playing too loud?
773
00:38:52,464 --> 00:38:54,998
I didn't know
you could play the piano.
774
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,433
Well, I was winging it.
775
00:38:56,435 --> 00:38:59,769
It's tough to play
without the red keys.
776
00:38:59,771 --> 00:39:02,639
I think you should leave this
for a qualified repairman.
777
00:39:02,641 --> 00:39:04,808
Well, Mr. Smarty.
778
00:39:04,810 --> 00:39:07,110
It's Mr. Science.
779
00:39:07,112 --> 00:39:10,447
For your information,
I've-I've located the problem.
780
00:39:10,449 --> 00:39:16,186
There's no power going into
the high-voltage transformer.
781
00:39:16,188 --> 00:39:19,556
- Hey, you want power?
- 'That would help.'
782
00:39:19,558 --> 00:39:20,623
Your call.
783
00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:22,959
[electrical crackling]
784
00:39:22,961 --> 00:39:24,194
[explosion]
785
00:39:26,832 --> 00:39:29,666
Willie, it was an accident.
786
00:39:29,668 --> 00:39:31,668
An accident?
787
00:39:31,670 --> 00:39:33,837
You almost killed me..
788
00:39:33,839 --> 00:39:36,306
...and you say
it was an accident?
789
00:39:37,743 --> 00:39:40,643
Alright, let's call it
a mistake.
790
00:39:40,645 --> 00:39:42,712
The droid says to the kranvall
791
00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:44,013
"To tell you the truth
792
00:39:44,015 --> 00:39:45,715
"I'd feel even better
if she lived
793
00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:47,851
another six light years away."
794
00:39:47,853 --> 00:39:49,619
[laughing]
795
00:39:51,656 --> 00:39:53,456
'Yeah, yeah!'
796
00:39:56,027 --> 00:39:57,994
I-I think that really
was a, was a..
797
00:39:57,996 --> 00:39:59,929
Six, six light years away!
798
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,334
I guess you had to be there.
I was!
799
00:40:04,336 --> 00:40:05,969
[laughing]
800
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:12,542
I'll tell you
my favorite droid joke.
801
00:40:12,544 --> 00:40:15,612
Wait, what's a droid?
802
00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:18,982
You're remembering!
ALF, you are in there!
803
00:40:25,390 --> 00:40:26,890
- He's starting to remember!
- Yeah.
804
00:40:26,892 --> 00:40:28,391
I-it must be working.
805
00:40:28,393 --> 00:40:30,527
Quick, let's remind him
of other things, like, um..
806
00:40:30,529 --> 00:40:33,196
Like the time you washed dad's
camera in the washing machine.
807
00:40:33,198 --> 00:40:35,698
Or, uh, the time
you waxed the driveway.
808
00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:38,735
Or the time you built
the termite farm in the attic.
809
00:40:38,737 --> 00:40:41,905
Hey, hey, I heard
it was the food of the future.
810
00:40:41,907 --> 00:40:43,273
You do remember!
811
00:40:43,275 --> 00:40:46,409
No! I-I don't even know
why I said that.
812
00:40:46,411 --> 00:40:50,780
You're getting me all confused.
You're-you're brainwashing me!
813
00:40:50,782 --> 00:40:53,049
We just want our ALF back.
814
00:40:53,051 --> 00:40:56,085
Why are you so hung up
on this guy anyway?
815
00:40:56,087 --> 00:40:58,755
He seems like nothing
but a pain in the neck.
816
00:40:58,757 --> 00:41:01,558
Well, not entirely.
817
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,660
See, why do you think
we were so upset
818
00:41:03,662 --> 00:41:05,128
about you calling the police?
819
00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:07,931
It's-it's not because we were
afraid of getting caught.
820
00:41:07,933 --> 00:41:11,067
It's because we were afraid
of losing you.
821
00:41:11,069 --> 00:41:14,671
I don't wanna lose you, ALF.
You're my best friend.
822
00:41:16,107 --> 00:41:18,374
Come on, Brian, give us a hug.
823
00:41:21,580 --> 00:41:23,646
Oh, ALF.
824
00:41:23,648 --> 00:41:26,115
Happy birthday, kid.
825
00:41:26,117 --> 00:41:28,451
I love you.
826
00:41:28,453 --> 00:41:30,487
Yeah, me too.
827
00:41:32,290 --> 00:41:35,124
Well, I'm in the wind.
828
00:41:35,126 --> 00:41:36,392
Ciao.
829
00:41:38,029 --> 00:41:39,329
Arrivederci.
830
00:41:41,299 --> 00:41:42,732
Goodbye.
831
00:41:44,469 --> 00:41:46,402
And goodnight, Mrs. Ochmonek..
832
00:41:47,939 --> 00:41:49,539
...wherever you are.
833
00:42:01,887 --> 00:42:03,987
You missed your ride!
834
00:42:03,989 --> 00:42:06,322
Yeah, I guess I did.
835
00:42:06,324 --> 00:42:09,692
He's staying!
ALF's staying!
836
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:11,861
You gave up Rhonda for us?
837
00:42:11,863 --> 00:42:16,332
Ah, she'll only want me more
after a couple of centuries.
838
00:42:16,334 --> 00:42:18,501
Aren't you gonna miss her?
839
00:42:18,503 --> 00:42:20,403
Yeah.
840
00:42:20,405 --> 00:42:22,038
But, uh..
841
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,274
...I guess
what it boils down to is..
842
00:42:25,677 --> 00:42:27,544
...I'd miss you more.
843
00:42:30,248 --> 00:42:32,448
You love us that much?
844
00:42:33,351 --> 00:42:36,319
Yeah. I guess I do.
845
00:42:36,321 --> 00:42:39,522
We love you too, ALF.
846
00:42:39,524 --> 00:42:40,924
We really do.
847
00:42:40,926 --> 00:42:42,158
Let's not get maudlin!
848
00:42:43,762 --> 00:42:45,895
Welcome home..
849
00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:47,497
...ALFmeister.
850
00:42:47,499 --> 00:42:49,265
[scratching]
851
00:42:49,267 --> 00:42:51,701
Say, what is that
scratching noise?
852
00:42:51,703 --> 00:42:53,336
What scratching noise?
853
00:42:53,338 --> 00:42:56,105
It's coming from your suitcase.
854
00:42:56,107 --> 00:42:57,774
What suitcase?
855
00:43:01,713 --> 00:43:05,348
Lucky, you bad boy!
What are you doing in there?
856
00:43:05,350 --> 00:43:08,351
I told him,
"No suitcase, no suitcase!"
857
00:43:08,353 --> 00:43:09,886
Argh!
858
00:43:09,888 --> 00:43:14,057
Why would I be putting a cat
in a suitcase?
859
00:43:14,059 --> 00:43:16,893
On a dinner plate,
I can understand.
860
00:43:16,895 --> 00:43:18,962
Breast of cat, but..
861
00:43:18,964 --> 00:43:22,198
Wait a minute!
That's crazy!
862
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,367
But it does sound tasty.
863
00:43:25,570 --> 00:43:29,405
Yo, Kate, where do you
keep your casserole dishes?
864
00:43:29,407 --> 00:43:30,540
Why?
865
00:43:30,542 --> 00:43:33,176
The cat won't fit
in the toaster.
866
00:43:35,046 --> 00:43:36,312
Cat hairs.
867
00:43:36,314 --> 00:43:39,248
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
868
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:40,950
Persian, '78.
869
00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:42,819
[sniffing]
870
00:43:42,821 --> 00:43:44,654
Could be a '79.
871
00:43:46,558 --> 00:43:49,525
(ALF)
'Your eyelids
are growing heavy.'
872
00:43:51,896 --> 00:43:53,830
You are getting sleepy.
873
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:58,267
You are no longer a cat.
874
00:43:58,269 --> 00:43:59,769
You are a bagel.
875
00:43:59,771 --> 00:44:02,405
- What are you doing?
- Hey! You scared me.
876
00:44:02,407 --> 00:44:05,775
- You ought to wear a bell.
- What's going on here?
877
00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:09,912
Um, I was, uh, I was just
teaching Lucky how to tell time.
878
00:44:09,914 --> 00:44:12,448
[cat screeching]
879
00:44:12,450 --> 00:44:14,684
He's quick!
I'll give him that.
880
00:44:21,026 --> 00:44:23,292
No! It's not true!
881
00:44:23,294 --> 00:44:25,495
Brian, go get Lucky!
882
00:44:26,831 --> 00:44:28,464
Alright, syllogism.
883
00:44:28,466 --> 00:44:32,135
Insurance agents
do not eat cats.
884
00:44:32,137 --> 00:44:37,140
I am an insurance agent,
therefore I do not eat cats.
885
00:44:37,142 --> 00:44:38,508
- Yes, you do!
- But you do!
886
00:44:38,510 --> 00:44:40,777
- 'You do.'
- I don't!
887
00:44:40,779 --> 00:44:43,813
Right now, I could walk over
to that refrigerator over there
888
00:44:43,815 --> 00:44:48,151
you know, take out a couple
of slices of whole wheat bread
889
00:44:48,153 --> 00:44:52,555
a little mayo
and slap together a BLT.
890
00:44:52,557 --> 00:44:55,692
That's bacon, Lucky,
and tomato.
891
00:44:55,694 --> 00:44:58,828
[laughing]
Yeah, I could do that.
892
00:44:58,830 --> 00:45:01,030
But I won't.
893
00:45:01,032 --> 00:45:03,232
And why is that?
894
00:45:04,002 --> 00:45:05,301
Because..
895
00:45:07,872 --> 00:45:09,806
...they trust me.
896
00:45:12,644 --> 00:45:14,610
But don't get too comfortable.
897
00:45:19,984 --> 00:45:21,184
I don't know anymore!
898
00:45:21,186 --> 00:45:22,985
Maybe I do,
maybe I don't eat cats!
899
00:45:22,987 --> 00:45:24,353
I don't know! I don't..
900
00:45:24,355 --> 00:45:25,855
Lucky! Ah-h!
901
00:45:25,857 --> 00:45:27,090
Yes!
902
00:45:27,092 --> 00:45:28,825
It worked!
903
00:45:28,827 --> 00:45:30,526
He's back!
904
00:45:30,528 --> 00:45:32,729
What about my back?
905
00:45:32,731 --> 00:45:34,731
Yep, he's back.
906
00:45:34,733 --> 00:45:36,866
Are you okay?
What do you remember?
907
00:45:36,868 --> 00:45:39,936
Let's see,
the last thing I remember
908
00:45:39,938 --> 00:45:42,004
is this big flash of light.
909
00:45:42,006 --> 00:45:46,075
I smiled, because I thought
someone was taking my picture.
910
00:45:46,077 --> 00:45:47,610
And that's about it.
911
00:45:47,612 --> 00:45:49,912
Oh, and also
that term insurance
912
00:45:49,914 --> 00:45:52,348
is cheaper than whole life.
913
00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:54,751
Well, it's a start.
914
00:45:54,753 --> 00:45:55,918
[knocking on door]
915
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,554
Oh, my gosh, it's the police!
916
00:45:58,556 --> 00:46:00,590
Now, what did you guys do?
917
00:46:00,592 --> 00:46:04,527
I swear if it's not one thing
with this family it's another.
918
00:46:04,529 --> 00:46:08,231
Hey, what am I doing
in this cheap polyester suit?
919
00:46:08,233 --> 00:46:09,899
Come on, ALF,
you'd better go.
920
00:46:09,901 --> 00:46:11,768
Fine, if you all need me
921
00:46:11,770 --> 00:46:14,003
I'll be
in the whirling hot tub.
922
00:46:19,410 --> 00:46:21,210
Okay, thanks.
923
00:46:21,212 --> 00:46:22,478
Good news.
924
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,413
- We located Wayne Schlegel.
- Oh.
925
00:46:24,415 --> 00:46:27,450
He was in the hospital.
His wife got to him first.
926
00:46:28,453 --> 00:46:31,420
We'll-we'll have
to go visit him.
927
00:46:31,422 --> 00:46:33,089
I'm so glad we got that
cleared up.
928
00:46:33,091 --> 00:46:36,292
I just knew the whole thing
had to be a practical joke.
929
00:46:36,294 --> 00:46:37,460
[chuckles]
930
00:46:37,462 --> 00:46:38,928
Sorry we had to search
your home.
931
00:46:38,930 --> 00:46:40,663
- I'm sure you understand.
- No problem.
932
00:46:40,665 --> 00:46:43,332
I'll send you
one of our safety brochures.
933
00:46:43,334 --> 00:46:48,037
Now, remember, 33% of all
accidents happen in the home.
934
00:46:49,941 --> 00:46:53,009
And that number goes up
when you live with an alien.
935
00:46:56,281 --> 00:46:58,281
Is the heat gone?
936
00:46:58,283 --> 00:46:59,782
Yes.
937
00:46:59,784 --> 00:47:01,617
But I hope you remember
what he said
938
00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:04,120
about misusing appliances.
939
00:47:04,122 --> 00:47:06,956
No. I was hiding in the dryer.
940
00:47:06,958 --> 00:47:09,025
[theme music]
941
00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,532
[music continues]
942
00:47:58,843 --> 00:48:00,109
[ALF laughing]